week 11

So this definitely is not the worst advice that I ever have been given but its hard to remember the past when it comes to advice. As of right now the one think that sticks out in my mind because I am nervous right now. Is to just calm down you are causing a situation in your head that doesn't need to be created. People dont understand unless they were in my body to know what it's like to worry all the time, to overthink things. I often make the impossible thoughts become possible. I cant help it it's just who I am. I realize how ridiculous the small things are that I worry about and I wish I wasn't worrying who would want to. I am always afraid of weird small things like whether or not I am going to get a good grade, ordering at a restaurant afraid I am going to say something and sound stupid, being late to work so i have to show up a half hour early. Small things like that that a lot of people would be concerned about but don't get as anxious as I do. The biggest thing is that ever since I got into a wreck with Jordan in St Louis I always freak out now whenever there is a car behind me which is weird because we were behind the car that I wrecked into but I also get nervous when I am with a friend in the car and they get too close to someone and I will scream slow down! or stop! everyone gets so mad at me but I cant help it it comes out of my mouth so often I try to not watch but that doesn't work out too well. When I am driving sometimes I have to pull over to take a breather and that is exactly why I dont like driving, not that I am not capable but just because of issues like that that I dont want others seeing or having to explain myself because its not like I want to be the way I am all because I get a flashback often of when we wrecked in St Louis and convince myself that I just wrecked.